The positives

I have been drowning in negativity, so here is the bright side of deployment. None of these things makes it all OK, but it does make it hurt a little less.In this year I learned about myself. I learned that even when I felt like I would totally fall apart, I didn't. I learned that I am tired of taking shit from anyone, and I learned that when I stand up for myself, I get results. I learned that sometimes it's nice to have total control of the TV and eating choices. I am stronger than I thought I was. I assembled furniture alone, took my car for maintenance,and carried many heavy things. I have found true friends in other Army wives, who are more like family than friends. I have learned setting boundaries makes me a much happier person. I am not as paranoid anymore, when he first left, any sound and I was at the window, gun in hand, now I've calmed down.I have learned that you really can't understand a deployment until you live it, and that all kinds of people think they know what it's like. You don't. I have gone a year with no hugs and kisses, an empty bed, and short phone calls. I have survived.

Parental Control

Lately I have been surrounded by people having marital issues because of parents of the husband or wife. I have experienced it as well. I am the parent of a baby, and don't know what it's like to have grown offspring, but I'm writing this to remind myself. You have to let your son or daughter handle their own marriage. When they get married they become a family, and when they have kids they need to figure out how to be parents. Some parents can be nice and helpful, but maintain boundaries and some have to be kept in the dark about much of what is happening because of drama. This is not a rare problem, and usually stems from a unusually strong attachment to their son or daughter, and the mindset they are still a child. Some parents have control issues, but the bottom line is the last thing you should want is to cause marital problems for your offspring. They have to cling to each other, and work things out together if they have a chance of making it. There is a reason marriage vows say forsaking all others. It's extremely painful when one runs to their parents while not communicating with each other. I'm not saying I know everything, but I know so many people with these problems that it breaks my heart. Get right if you want to be in your son or daughter's life.